Straight Out of Dronfield by Anonymous
Kickin’ it in downtown Dronfield just chillin’,
Sippin’ sub-standard beer with my Caucasian assed crew.
Got open mic nights and family restaurants for time killin’,
And other regular middle class things to do.
Blowin’ my reasonably average paycheck at the liquor store,
Or in one of the countless co-ops to tell the truth,
On reasonably priced wine (a tenner, no more)
Flashin’ my grills of natural enamel on every tooth.
Walk these streets after dark with no worries,
‘Cos you know you ain’t gonna get mugged.
Maybe pop to Ayeshas for a curry,
Straight up livin’ your life like a thug.
Go to bed at a reasonable time to be up for workin’,
In fact tomorrow I think I may even cycle in.
Dancin’ with small knee movements and awkward elbows, what’s twerkin’?
Poppin’ my caps in the correct recyclin’.
And sucker you’d best not offend me,
‘Cos Im terrible at fighting and pain.
Got no bicep muscles to defend me,
But my well structured arguments come straight from the brain.
Cruisin’ and hollerin’ at respectable women,
Around my garden on 7 inch rims.
But I won’t be smokin the grass I am trimmin’,
Just be lookin’ for herbs for my Pimms.
The drive-byers just ask for directions,
And the courts are used only for tennis.
The ‘old schools’ for local elections,
And drugs are prescribed by a chemist.
I don’t have a license for these guns,
‘Cos they just shoot staples and glue,
When putting up shelves at my mums,
‘Cos I appreciate the things that she do.
Between Sheff’ and Chez we reside,
In a valley, so cleverly concealed.
Representin’ the north-east side,
The land of ‘co-op’portunity, Dronfield.
Dronfield Isn’t Boring by Anonymous
Dronfield isn’t boring, you’re just 15 and broke,
there’s Fat Sams and Aldi and cheap vodka with coke,
there’s Ayeshas, Cliffe Park, The Civc and Natwest,
there’s Toby Carvery and co-op and girls with big breasts,
there’s another co-op, more breasts and Geoff’s DIY,
there’s the Civic and Pentland and the Dronfield EYE,
there’s the library and Sainsburys with the paranoid guard,
there’s muppets galore who think that they’re hard,
there’s the Sport Centre that nobody uses,
there’s The Bridge, you go in and come out with bruises,
there’s speed bumps and zebras and minature roundabouts,
there’s cadets, explorers, brownies and scouts,
there’s the guy from Def Leppard, Dave Berry and Gary Cahill,
there’s Little Italy, Samad and the Contact Club on Snape Hill,
there’s the Twins from Eurovision who swore at the Barnsley fans,
there’s Remedy Rooms to go work on your tans,
there’s the Peel Monument on the High Street and pizza from Dominoes,
there’s the Civic Hall where sometimes there’s shows.
The point is, you just you don’t have a job,
so ask your parents for money,
or, like Jordo’, go out on the rob.
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