Small Town Life

‘How to Unstone yourself?’

Outside the Baptist Church

Every week I spend 15 minutes or so flicking through the visitor stats for the site, I see how many people read articles, which are the most popular articles and most importantly, what people searched to find the site. I will admit, I am unsettled by some of the frankly amateur searches that wielded Dronfield Digital as the most credible top result.

Unsurprisingly, the most common searches to find the site are ‘Dronfield Digital‘, ‘Dronfield news‘, ‘Dronfield Eye‘ and things to that extent. However, once in a while you come across a real gem like “Is Snoop Dogg moving to Dronfield?” or “Off road driving problems in Dronfield” (Yes, that one confused me too), both of which are not your usual search terms, although it’s not hard to believe someone might have searched that.

And then you get this: How to Unstone yourself?  That’s right, how to Unstone yourself. How to Unstone yourself. I literally had no idea what this meant, Unstone had become a verb and my novice-snob mentality, acquired by osmosis through spending time in Dronfield, thought it meant something similar to “How does one become impoverished?”, which provoked more questions like, is this a common phrase I’m unfamiliar with? do people really Unstone themselves? and most importantly, was it good to be Unstone’d?

Too many questions. I needed answers: Google.

It may have been a little bit before I hit the search button, or maybe before the first results appeared, I realised how utterly naive I had been. The more worldly wise of you – or at least most 15 year olds with a passion  for ‘chonging herb’ – will have already guessed it. The capitalisation of the word Unstone had lead to a terrible misunderstanding on my behalf, people were actually searching how to unstone themselves i.e not be super high anymore. I felt more deflated than a rubber dinghy in a needle testing factory, some part of me actually wanted Unstoning yourself to be a thing.

I have learnt two things from this ordeal: 1) wishful thinking will ultimately leave you unsatisfied and 2) a quick Google search revealed a man using the name ‘Gillie’ has this suggestion for ‘unstoning’ yourself: “JUST EAT ALOT OF SWEET THINGS AND DRINK ALOT OF FIZZY DRINKS” – which sounds like terrible advice for every situation.


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