Gordon Lake

Trolling the Dronfield Eye with a fake book club

Dronfield Eye - Dronfield's Premium News Source Since 1854

If I owned the Dronfield Eye, which at the time of writing I don’t, you could guarantee two things: 1) We would have a website and post our content on there (edgy, huh?) and 2) I would use people who could write. 

Dronfield Eye is arguably the most popular Dronfield-based free magazine in Dronfield. I imagine this is a heavy responsibility; just think,  the pressure of having to write more poorly worded editorials, reproduce the same advertisements ad nauseam and take pictures badly; talk about hard-done-to.

When they’re not writing about Bob Stevenson, who raised £50 for the Gay Muslim Dolphin Trust of New Mexico, it’s usually another article about Dronfield’s geriatric Justin Bieber doppelganger: Dave  Berry. A man so uninteresting the local GP prescribes his Press Releases as sedatives.

Gordon decided to shoot them an email to learn more about how they might treat potential clients, how much they charge and ultimately, whether or not they like book clubs.

Email transcipt follows:

From Gordon to Dronfield Eye:

Hello there,

I have recently moved to Dronfield.

I have brought with me my book club, BRAP (Book Reading Appreciation Society). I will be looking to hold this bi-weekly, on a Wednesday as it breaks up the week.

I’m rather hoping to put the BRAP into Dronfield as it had quite an impact in the previous location where I lived.
I would like more information on advertising with yourself and how easy you think BRAPing Dronfield would be?
Gordon Lake.
From Dronfield Eye to Gordon:

Hi gordon,

Thankyou for your email we are working on our june issue of dronfield eye and the deadline for this issue is next monday.
prices are
 business card £50 plus v.a.t
1/8 page £90 plus v.a.t
1/4 page £150 plus v.a.t
We distribute to 15000 homes and businesses in and around the dronfield area every month.
I hope this is of interest to you
[name removed]
From Gordon to Dronfield Eye:

Fantastic, exactly what I’m looking for.

Do you know if book groups are quite popular in the area? I’m really trying to hit the 30s+, the kind of people who are going to buy a book and actually read it. I’ve found the under 30s are the kind of people who like to talk about books more than actually read them.
My book club events are usually catered, I usually cook a wide variety of food: lasagna, spaghetti, tortellini or sometimes just a good old pasta bake.
How does this all work? Would you come down to my house and take a picture of me with a book and maybe some pasta, then we just write an editorial? Or would it be easier for you to come down and get involved in it, maybe even read the book with a few people?
Would like to hear your thoughts,
From Dronfield Eye to Gordon:

Hi gordon,

I have not come across any other book groups in dronfield so i can’t help you with if they are popular i’m affraid.

We would only come along and do an editorial if 4 1/4 page bookings are made at a cost of £150 plus v.a.t per 1/4 payable when taken.

If you was interested in something smaller we would ask if you could send over the information you would like on there then we can put an advert together for you and send you a copy .

[name removed]

From Gordon to Dronfield Eye:

[name removed], I think you misunderstand me, I want this to be quite a large thing. We’re talking at least 30 people.
I think a full page will attract this many people, do you agree? Also it will give me the opportunity to plug my pasta sauces in the background on the photo.
Is there a local independent company that retails pasta sauces? I have won two awards in Hertfordshire in pasta sauce competitions. I can send over some samples if you like, if we sell it in bulk perhaps we can do a profit split?
Look forward to hearing back,


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