Forgot Bitcoin: Invest in DronCoin


Unless you live on a desert island, in Batemoor, or somewhere else equally undesirable, you will have noticed the media saturation Bitcoin has received; Bitcoin is a decentralized peer-to-peer virtual currency which is taking the word – especially the black market – by storm. Dronfield’s abundance of economists and computer scientists have teamed together to create our very own virtual currency, the DronCoin.

Bitcoin has received monumental coverage in recent days – despite its incarnation circa 2009 – which has led to a drastic increase in popularity globally. As a currency its notoriety comes from all transactions being entirely anonymous, this guarantees untraceable purchase of all manner of legal and illegal goods, from stolen prescription drugs to Russian semi-automatic weapons and apparently a Panzer tank in one case.

Unfortunately, just like other currencies, no amount of it will allow you to buy happiness (or so the poor tell me), but it will allow you to buy a Segway scooter and I have never seen an unhappy person riding around on a Segway scooter. In fact, there are plenty of things you can buy to plug the hole in your hollow life, who needs happiness when you have material possessions.

Lights, camera, action; Stage left, enter DronCoin. 

Next week will see the launch of the Dronfield Exchange (abbreviated to The Dronx), where residents will be able to use British Pound Sterling  to buy DronCoin’s, with the introductory exchange rate of 1:1.

To keep the use of DronCoin’s specific to Dronfield, you will only be able to use the currency to buy things only the good people of Dronfield would want to buy. One of the pioneers behind DronCoin, M. R. U. Pennybags, explained the reason why, “It did not take us long to realise people in Dronfield do not spend their money in varied ways, it tends to be the same products and services in every household.”

The list includes, but isn’t limited to:

  • Lloyd Grossman Pasta Sauces
  • Volvo estate cars
  • Premium larger
  • Bad garden furniture
  • Sky+ HD Subscription w/ Sky Sports
  • Roll-neck jumpers
  • Energy saving lighbulbs
  • Thomas Cook package holidays to The Algarve

Because the majority of you will not be early adopters, a select savvy few pioneers will see their DronCoins rocket in value, resulting in a super-smug subculture of digital-friendly Dronfieldians buying up all the Grossman sauces virtual money can buy. You will find yourself buying sub-standard Dolmio sauce with your common person cash money, ruing the day you never invested.

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