I don’t go out of my way to get drunk, it just seems to happen. Usually after drinking several gin and tonics, or a few glasses of wine, or a Long Island iced tea or five, or methylated spirits. But the day of the EU referendum I hosted Dronfield Business Forum, a networking event for businesses in Dronfield and ended up getting pissed with a lady who sells promotional merchandise. Below you will discover what happened.
I’m in 10A High Street, on the High Street, waiting for Dronfield Business Forum to start. I show the bar staff how to make a series of cocktails so I can take promotional pictures for them. I taste each of them and by the final one I’m spilling the drink down myself and I realise I’m healthily over the drink driving limit when a small blonde woman enters. It’s Emma Rossi, who I later learn more than I need to know about promotional pens from.
She walks in cool and with a rucksack full of promotional merchandise and brochures which she sets up as a display on top of a table. Emma tells me she is a promotional pen saleswoman and it piques my interest immediately. Pens are what I need!A promotional pen saleswoman I think, who does she sell pens to? What is a standard promotional pen order? Can I buy promotional pens? The answer to these questions is: Businesses or organisations. A fairly modest order to giant bulk jobs. And yes, I can.
Dronfield Business Forum ends and I’m still talking to Emma about promotional merchandise. She tells me that over the last ten years she has sold promotional items including hats, mugs, jackets and canvas bags to a multitude of clients from small local businesses to big multi-nationals. It seems the number of items you can have your company branding on is limitless.
I ask her if she wants to go for a curry across the road from 10A High Street at Samad and she accepts. She orders something lamb and I go for something spicey because I’m hard. We quickly finish a bottle of red wine and one of the idiosyncrasies of promotional pen sales hit me like a brick of over a windshield:
Pens for left-handed people, right. Pen for left-handed people have to be different from pens for right-handed people. This is a real thing. Apparently, pens for left-handed people mean that the printing has to be the other way up, otherwise left-handed people cannot read your business name whilst writing. Hold a branded pen in your left hand and read the logo, then swap it to your other hand and hey presto, you have no idea what it says.
This is the kind of thing you don’t think about too hard, if you do you start to question who you are or the cold hard reality that you may be a grown man with disposable income but you don’t have your company logo and name across 5000 assorted ballpoint pens. Or embroidered polo shirts. Or USB memory sticks.
We finish our curry and I pay because I’m quite nice like that. We head down to the Green Dragon on Church Street, she asks me what kind of things I write about on my website and I tell her that I disguise advertising thinly in articles. She goes home and I head to a club in Chesterfield. The next day David Cameron resigns and the result of the referendum is revealed to be 52% in favour of Brexit.
I’ve ordered my pens, I suggest you do the same!
If you’re interested in promotional merchandise for yourself, business or organisation, check out Emma’s website Print Stitch Promote for an exhaustive list of items available or call her on 01246 419 970.