As Hull basks in the glory of their remarkable triumph in the coveted City of Culture award recently, edging out the hot favourites Bradford, plans are afoot to make sure Dronfield is in the running for the equivalent‘town’ prize.
Local residents will be aware in coming months of frenzied activity amongst the ‘Culture Club’ of Dronfield, the nickname given to the organizing committee of councilors, prominent residents, local celebs and other volunteers whose aim is to secure the 1st prize for the town. The committee leader and spokesperson Boyland George (Boy to his friends), said, “We will leave no stone upturned, no path unswept, no park un-tended, no monument uncleaned, no Co-op unopened… and will do everything we possibly can to secure this most precious award for the town we love”.
He also added “All the towns facilities will be improved. The parks’ swings and slides will have new rubber matting as, after all, when kids are playing… do you really want a hurt knee?”
“It’s a miracle,” said another member of the committee group. When asked when this miracle would happen and to what sector of religion this miracle would appear in, he replied ‘time’ and then added “The Church of the poison mind“.
A Centre of Culture shop will open soon in the Civic, next door to the new launderette named ‘I’ll tumble 4 you’, and two doors away from the new Indian take-away Korma Chameleon. Strangely, no plans have been made as to what will actually be in this new shop, as no-one can as yet quantify what ‘culture’ actually is. The Culture Club are working on it apparently.
‘Boy’ George added “Much as we want to triumph, we don’t want to be victims of our own success. We love Dronfield just the way it is. If we do win, and pip current favourites Chesterfield, then we don’t want hordes of culture vultures, swooping down on our lovely town and using up all the culture that we currently enjoy, whatever that is. We don’t want a war on our doorstep. Having Jordanthorpe is enough.”
So fellow Dronfieldians, we are in the running for this most prestigious ‘Town of Culture’ award in 2017, whether we want it or not. That gives us all 3 years to work out what culture actually is, to define it and to find out if Dronfield has any. If it indeed has, where it is, how long’s it been there, who put it there, why did they do so, and why haven’t we found out about it before?
Therefore, if you do come across any Dronfield Culture please pass the information on to the relevant authorities ASAP.
Please note: The boundaries for Dronfield Culture do not extend to Unstone, either geographically, or culturally….whatever that means.