Dronfield Town Council are pressing forward with plans to ban soap, following on from a 3 year consultation with the soap industry and health authorities. It is their opinion that soap is entirely dangerous and they are utterly shocked that ‘no bugger has even done anything about it ever’.
“Soap is incredibly dangerous both economically and socially. Soap is directly linked with the increase in underage sex, teenage pregnancy and sex with multiple partners, which leads to a greater divorce rate and eventually socioeconomic imbalances”, claims John Johnson of the Town Council, he continued to reveal, ‘Soap is a massive cause of child abuse according to small boys in bathtubs, soap bubbles are also revealed to sometimes contain methane, again, according to small boys in bath tubs.’
Dronfield Digital interviewed the people of Dronfield to see how they felt about the proposed legislation, the public opinion is massively divided, one man told us, “Soap is dangerous man, one time I was washing my hair and I got soap in my eye and it stung like a bastard for a good couple of minutes, frankly, we would be better off without it”.
Unstone Town Council has been pressed to also review it’s soap policy, but first must buy some soap to experience it first hand before they can make decisions, it is estimated this could take up to 18-months to the annoyance of residents without blocked noses and friends of people with body-odour, who are angry that soap might be banned before they can even start using it.
Pubs across town have started to declare themselves ‘Soap Free’ zones, although according to one source, The Bridge Inn has had an unofficial ‘No Soap’ policy for several years already, which leaves us to presume that they knew of the dangers of soap and didn’t tell anyone.