Dronfield: Independent Nation

Dronfield Woodhouse

Today, Sunday, marks the end of one of the busiest weeks in Dronfield’s illustrious history. This former small market town has undergone somewhat of a paradigm shift, a major change int the status quo which has thrust Dronfield to the forefront on a global scale. I’ll cut the ambiguity, lets review the week.

Monday: After weeks of protesting from revolutionary groups such as Equality for Dronfield , Fathers for Dronfield and the Coal Aston Soviet, Dronfield finally became an Independent Sovereign state. With a new mayor being elected from the Soviet  only days prior to this massive status shift, naturally, he was chosen to lead this new principality thus being upgraded from mayor to Prince overnight, bearing in mind there was not a singular trace of Royal blood in his body due to the fact that he was simply a foundry worker at W.M. Lees.

Tuesday: The world reacted to the newest state in Europe, however, multiple questions were raised, such as ‘How could a small town become a principality?’ ‘Do you simply change the signs using paint?’ ‘What will happen to Unstone?’ and ‘Will it be the Twins or Dave Berry who represents Dronfield in Eurovision?’ However all of these questions were submerged in the sea of joy caused by the wave of celebration which swept the S18 nation, leaving these questions unanswered.

Wednesday: Dronfield’s attempts to join the European Union were denied after the E.U. questioned the Prince and his advisors on the legitimacy of the former towns industry. It was declared that exports of Indian and Chinese foods to bordering country England were not deemed a profitable form of trade and industry. However the Prince, allegedly, then revealed his ‘ace in the hole’ which turned out to be a series of ‘5 year plans’, somewhat reminiscent of Stalin’s Russia, which included plans to put a Co-op on the corner of every street and an Aldi at the end of every cul de sac as well as a plan to extend the Peel monument to make it around 300 or 400 metres high, this was then described as ‘a simple idea, not a serious proposal’ by a council member after the whole proposal was rebutted.

Thursday: After an English man and prominent member of the English Defence League (EDL) was made redundant from his job in Sheffield and having been replaced by a man originating from Dronfield, the EDL announced plans to rally the people of Britain in attempts to ‘keep the people of Dronfield out of Britain’ by announcing a protest rally that would take place in Unstone, a small town on the border of Dronfield and England. What was perhaps more surprising than the EDL’s sudden hatred for Dronfield  was how quickly Dronfield found themselves betrayed by Unstone who, after ‘piggybacking’ off Dronfield’s reputation and success for years, sold the small nation out for five minutes of fame.

Friday: After failing to join the E.U. and the mounting racial tension between the U.K and Dronfield, the Prince of Dronfield finally cracked under the pressure that was mounting on his head. He tightened his grip on the nation, ridding himself of council and his advisors, becoming an autocratic dictator and announcing his title as ‘Tsar’ and no longer prince. Dronfield’s first Tsar ruled through terror for multiple hours, creating a totalitarian terror state which lasted for over two hours. After NATO ordered that British Government task one of their more mediocre police forces with invading Dronfield and restoring order. Upon hearing about this, the Tsar set about creating a military base from the Sheffield F.C. football ground, intending to use the clubs former players as soldiers to fight for him. However these plans were short lived as the Chesterfield Police Force arrived on the scene within half an hour, arresting the states tyrannical despot and putting an end to the madness. After Dronfield was stripped of its independence, the town seemed to return to normal, a quiet market town acting as if nothing had happened.

Saturday: The end?

Contributor: William North.

Dronfield Digital has previously contact the government asking what we would have to do to declare Dronfield as an independent nation, here.

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