Dronfield: More Experts Per Square Kilometre Than Anywhere Else

The Peel Centre

A local man, who for obvious reasons doesn’t want to be named, recently discovered after minutes years of research: Dronfield is home to more experts on absolutely everything per square kilometere than anywhere else in the world, since the dawn of history.

It was revealed the bulging, bubbling, brain-sphere that is Dronfield shares this trait with almost all small towns, but none to the extent of expertise Dronfield abodes. It is believed Unstone once too had a similar level of intellect, which unfortunately dried up along with its hopes and dreams about 20 years ago.

The fields with the most expertise in Dronfield are the study of the exact thing you are currently talking about, the philosophy of why you just did that when you could have done it like this and the fundamentals of the thing in the paper they just read about 10 minutes ago. Most remarkable of all, is everyone is particularly well-read and has opinions of you.

The people in Dronfield are so clued up on you, they know exactly what you should have done, what you should be doing and why you shouldn’t have done that. Some people find it quite over-whelming that absolutely none of the experts of your life agree with each other, despite speaking with such conviction in their guidance.

Following the publication of Dronfield: Experts in their (Dron)field, researchers from across the world flocked to Dronfield to study the phenomena, a fellow from Cambridge University told us this, “After spending 10 minutes in Dronfield, it soon became very clear absolutely everyone is an expert in me. They knew how I should have parked at the Civic Centre, they knew why I should have gone to Sainsburys instead of Co-op to buy washing powder and most surprisingly of all, after 2 pints in a local pub, a gentleman explained to me in great detail why my wife left me.”


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