Dronfield is still revelling in celebration from winning a string of awards at the TOWNies (The Small Town Awards), bagging the prestigous “Not the worst place to wake up after a night on the razz” Award, the “6th most interesting place south of Sheffield” and finally the “Crash! Bang! Wallop! What a Town!” award.
The TOWNies were introduced in 1998 to celebrate small towns across the United Kingdom. They have been the subject of major criticism since they started due to sempiternal rivalry among small towns. This years awards were presented by a Bernard Manning impersonator from Somerset, much to the annoyance of everybody there. (We spoke to the event organizers as to why they picked such a controversial choice, we found out they booked him because “[he] was really cheap, I mean really cheap”.)
Johnny Madeupman, a representative from the Town Council PR department had this to say, “Well, we’ve come a long way to get here. The amount of times I have gone out in Derby or perhaps Bristol and woke up on a bench in Dronfield with a massive hangover is countless. I always tell people it’s not the worst place to surprisingly wake up after a night on the razz; It means a lot we have been recognised for this award, lets hope to keep the pace next year”.
It’s not all party balloons, cocktail sausages and novelty party hats for some residents, we caught up with local out-spoken Dronfieldian Steve Forever-Rantingon, “It’s just bloody stupid isn’t it, 4th most interesting south of Sheffield, who the bloody hell bloody makes up these bloody awards. It doesn’t make sense to me! We’re at least the 5th or perhaps 4th most interesting place south of bloody Leeds, never mind Sheffield!”
Preparations have already started by the Council to in an attempt to claim more trophies next year, it is rumored Dronfield is challenging Chipping-Norton for the “Most needlessly-affluent and powerful residents” Award by sending out invitations to wealthy tycoons across the world to dinner at Little Italy then never let them leave EVER.