Like all reasonable like-minded Conservatives town-wide, I drank enough last night to fell a large animal, now my inflated sense of self-worth and joviality have been eclipsed by a low-level headache, minor nausea and wanton hunger for a KFC family bucket. Happy New Year!
I think we should start 2014 with a fresh attitude from other years, let’s not even bother to pretend we’re going to stop smoking, lose weight, stop shooting Heroin in the park etc. Let’s all be honest to each other and slowly become more irritable and disillusioned as the year passes, and we’re even more miserable about how we never realised our goals or found God or whatever, let’s just have fun (the slow miserable type of fun where everyone hates each other secretly) and be happy (the dulled miserable type of happy where everyone just wants to cry).
Things to look forward to in Dronfield 2014
Like most things on this website, none of the content is properly referenced and sometimes just made up.
New places to get sozzled and rowdy.
This year we will see the launch of a new musical driving force within Dronfield in the shape of Russ Dennett’s Lounge Bar which will be taking residence in the former location of the Greedy Greek / Araj and other failed enterprises. The ‘sky bar’ as residents are already calling it, due to it’s first floor location, is tipped to reinvigorate a frankly waning music scene on the High Street. What I’ve heard through the grapevine is (not unlike Marvin Gaye might have, but not like Marvin Gaye might have), Russ Dennett’s ‘dream bar in the sky’ is pegged to open it’s doors in the first quarter of the year.
The Blue Stoops is said to be having a much needed ‘refurb’. For the sake of the drinking public I sincerely hope ‘refurb’ extends itself to more than a lick of magnolia and a quick mop, which would essentially be like giving an obese bird a new haircut (just a distraction from the real problem without focus on solving it).
The Green Dragon has been taken over by the more-than-capable hands of Veronica Tomlinson (Dronfield’s ‘Iron Lady’ of pub management), under her supervision and experienced leadership I predict a very bright year for the once bleak pub. A particular highlight will be the Thursday night quiz for all you brainiacs out there, I think they also do sandwiches as well. So, even if you’re a thicket, you won’t be going home empty handed.
I predict a lot of drinking in Dronfield 2014.
Tuesdays at The White Swan
Without a doubt it’s already Dronfield’s favourite drinking hole, The White Swan, is a real drinkers pub for drinkers who just bloody love a good old drink and aren’t afraid to admit it. Tuesday’s open-mic night is without a doubt the most fun thing to do in Dronfield on a Tuesday unless, of course, your missus has just got back from Ann Summers or you stumble across someones prescription Valium in Sainsburys.
I predict 2014 will be a great year for The White Swan.
Probably more Indian Restaurants
I’m going to put it out there: if you don’t like Indian food you’re probably a mug. You lack the palate of a sophisticated piss-head. While you’re outside eating a kebab in the cold with rain, snot and garlic mayo dripping down your miserable unenlightened face, the brighter minds of drunken Dronfieldians are tucked inside a fine Indian (probably Ayesha’s, let’s not mess about) dipping a garlic naan into a fine Dopiaza, discussing how the Indian they are in is their favourite Indian restaurant and how they once went to another one and they don’t didn’t like it so much and oh yeah, they could eat something spicier but they only fancy a Dopiaza today, but they definitely could eat something hotter and all the other nonsense hopeless British people talk about.
I predict the opening and inevitable closure of another restaurant in Dronfield.
Being in Dronfield
To the idle observer, the idiot outsider, the deluded Chezzy-whipper, Dronfield must not look like a roller-coaster ride of crass charity events, mid-week music, obscene publications and occasional nudity, it must look like a humble suburban town with too many pubs and a disproportionate amount of Volvos to people.
I predict 2014 will be the best year in Dronfield.