Dronfield

DDTV: New Channel Coming to Freeview 818

Dronfield Digital TV

This week see’s the launch of Dronfield’s own TV channel; DDTV will run a schedule representative of Dronfield’s red hot, non-stop, bleeding edge assortment of real life stories, history, culture and technology. Viewers can look forward to a heady mix of rich documentaries, potent drama, knee-slapping comedy and contemporary current affairs. In conjunction with DDTV, DronfieldDigital will be posting the channel’s schedules for your convenience.

DDTV Listings for Monday 32nd August 2019

0800 – News

0900 – Under the Hammer – Martin Roberts and Lucy Alexander visit properties in Dronfield recently repossessed from over zealous faux-middle class buyers who could not keep up their mortgage repayments despite interest rates barely tracking above base rate. In this week’s episode a home goes under the hammer only for the buyer to demolish the low quality 1960’s build due to the land being worth more than the property itself.

1000 – Jeremy Kyle, Dronfield Special – Ex-late night radio talk show presenter come good, Jezza this week meets a young couple whose relationship has broken down after one of the pair decides to flout Dronfield tradition by applying for a University that is not Leeds Met or Sheffield Hallam, a long distance relationship looms, threatening the couples idyllic plans to marry and settle down with two kids in 3 bedroom semi by the time they are both 28. Jeremy also meets daddies’ princess girl, Amelia, who is accusing her boyfriend of looking at properties outside of Dronfield, she suspects after seeing some suspicious RightMove history on his laptop. Lie detectors are brought in revealing some ugly results. Contains graphic violence, strong language and nudity.

1100 – Time Team – Pebble pestering Tony Robinson returns to Dronfield to continue the Team’s dig on the now infamous Stubley Hollow “Hollow”. This week the crater reveals ancient artefacts including ingots from the Anatolian civilisation of Late Bronze Age and Early Iron Age, scripts detailing the dramatic end to the Siege of Masada in AD 73, and Tony’s car keys which he misplaced a few weeks ago during filming. This show is a repeat and will repeated indefinitely until someone watches it.

1200 – Coast – Nick Crane falls asleep on his train journey from London to the Western Highland peninsula and gets off in Dronfield by mistake. He realises the town is landlocked, swears a lot and gets back on the train to go home and beat up his missus. Viewers of a nervous disposition should turn off now.

1205 – Great British Rail Journeys – This week Michael Portillo finds himself in Dronfield and asks why the effing hell a town with over 24,000 inhabitants sitting within easy commuting distance to the countries 5th largest city only received a frequent train service in the last few years. He makes the remarkable journey along the picturesque route from Dronfield to Sheffield taking the sites such as the back of that bit near Aldi where the kids go Skateboarding, and the arse end of the council depot near town where everyone lobs their old rubbish onto the lines.

1345 – Police, Camera, Action – Crap Drivers Special – Alastair Stewart and Adrian Simpson question whether local drivers are up to the job after a woman crashes an old Saab through the side of a sports centre. Also on this week’s programme, a bus sets on fire, a teenager gets 98mph out of a Corsa on the by-pass and a 4×4 owner forgets to put the handbrake on in the Civic Car park causing tens of pounds worth of damage. Note: Program title changed to “Camera, Action” as Dronfield Police didn’t turn up.

1430Bargain Hunt – Tim Wonnacott and the team attend the Dronny Market, the largest of its kind in Dronfield. While there, the two teams of competitive shoppers search for the best buys, but the discovery of the day is made in the Co-Op next door where apparently this week you can get ten cans of Tennents for 8 quid but only if you can find someone in there who can be bothered to run them through the tills for you.

1500 – Desperate Housewives – Bored middle-aged Dronfield women get up to no good on the pretense that it’s not worth them working due to childcare costs, despite their fella’s 90k salary.

1530 – Neighbours from Hell – This week visits the infamous Coniston Estate where feuding neighbours routinely come to loggerheads over early morning lawn mowing, border disputes and inconsiderate parking. In today’s episode, viewers are treated to a row over hedge cutting, where good-to-do, slightly pious neighbours cut the opposite side of a hedge without seeking prior permission with disastrous consequences.

1630 – Question Time – This week from Dronfield’s Peel Centre where immigration is the hot debating point. The motion this week is, “Who is keeping radical extremist Abu Hamza out of Dronfield, is anyone looking into this?” An important question which not everyone has given enough thought to.

1800 – News

1900 – UnstoneEnders – Tonight’s installment of the ever popular Soap see’s regulars at the local boozer argue about who got who pregnant. Billy nicks a car from Dronfield but returns it after he realises it only has 2 months MOT left.

1930 – X Factor – This week see’s Dronfield’s aspiring pop stars line up to do battle in the usual weary and tired format which hasn’t changed one iota since X-Factor first aired in 2004. Today’s show continues to ensure that bored viewers with nothing else in their lives have something to talk about at the water cooler in the office by ushering naïve Dronfield hopefuls to stardom and exploiting their sob stories to the masses. Unfortunately, none of the contestants have any real tales of woe to draw upon, so the contest is stripped back to raw ability leaving the voting public confused and in turmoil. Allegations of rigging the show begin to fly. Hosted by the usual homosexual entertainment manager, rich and arrogant A&R executive and leaked sex-tape victim. Note: Actual show time 30 mins, contains 60 mins of highly lucrative advertising slots.

2100 – CrimeWatch Dronfield – Help us solve some of Dronfield’s biggest cases. Join the team for dramatic reconstructions, CCTV footage and our wanted faces. Your call could be all it takes to put an offender behind bars. This week the team focus on the crime centre of Dronfield in Derbyshire. Dramatic and disturbing reconstructions of parking infringements in that little car park at the top of Soaper Lane may make for uncomfortable viewing for some audiences, whilst CCTV footage reveals hoodlums removing a for sale sign from a front lawn and erecting it outside the old Sheaf Motors. Tension then mounts as the show’s producers try to fill the remaining 20 mins with noteworthy crime but give up and switch to the Athletics coverage.

2130 – FILM: Deliverance

2300 – Time Team (rpt) – See earlier listing.

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