Landlords across Dronfield have all decided to throw in the towel and stop serving alcohol all-together due to progressively worse banter every weekend, prompting absolute outrage town-wide. This landmark decision has come to fruition after Friday night on which a local man, John Smith, woke up the next day with his eyebrows shaven off, he was quoted as describing his mates as ‘absolute tossers’.
The landlords of Dronfield collectively decided this level of behavior is ‘absolutely miles behind on banter’ and the ‘banter needs a massive shake up, more like the The Lad Bible facebook page.’ Reports indicate a substantial group of people in the town are incapable of drinking a couple of pints without resorting to extreme sexism, casual racism, childish criticism, general resentment against people who look they need ‘knocking down a peg or two’ or Snapchat-ing a picture of their penis. The general consensus among breweries is the banter is actually that bad it is potentially beyond salvaging.
Banter experts from across the world have predicted a growing trend in bad banter, supported by the evidence that people are doing absolutely nothing to take accountability for their poor behavior, instead claiming it was banter. Professor of Banterology at Cambridge University, Yuri Takin-Dapiss, had this to say, “Some lads are just absolute mugs. Facebook raping someone to say they got married, they are now gay or changing their profile picture to Keith Chegwin is just crap. I don’t know what Dronfield can do to rectify this.”
Notable examples of questionable drunken banter in Dronfield include:
- The time someone changed the road name Bents Lane to Penis Lane.
- The time I stole about 10 For Sale signs on the way home.
- The Peel Monument.