Dronfield

100TH ARTICLE SPECTACULAR

Owl - Dronfield Music Festival

Congratulations to you Mr reader, you’ve made it a long way. You’ve stood by as we’ve toppled tyrants, poked fun at people for no apparent reason other than their geographic location and socioeconomic background. You’ve been there as we’ve made up ridiculous news, published obscene nonsense. You’ve skimmed through needlessly mean words without batting an eyelid and hopefully enjoyed it. Well, I hope you feel proud of yourself, because this is the 100th article and we do.

As of today, we have published a rather remarkable 70,761 words. I do sometimes wonder how that is even possible. 

In true nostalgic style, here is a list of the 10 most read articles since our 50th article milestone:

1) DRONFIELD…. TWINNED WITH COUGAR TOWN

Good men of Dronfield. Forget everything you were once told as a boy or growing pubescent young man about the so-called ‘law of the jungle’. In nature’s new pecking order, the lion is NOT the king of these dangerous, hot, sweaty, regions. These days, there are new kings in town, and lots of them to boot. Yes, alpha males, BEWARE.… the ‘Cougars’ of Dronfield now reign supreme.

2) 4 THINGS YOU DON’T TELL PEOPLE ABOUT DRONFIELD

Dronfield Digital lays out 4 things you wouldn’t tell friends or family about Dronfield life, especially while you’re trying to explain how lovely it is to have moved from Sheffield or some other city. You may have just got married (soon-to-be divorced), you may have lived here your whole life (soon-to-be dead) or you might just be an estate agent (tosser); you have probably omitted the following points in your glowing description of S18-land.

3) DRONFIELD DATING

Are you single? Are you from Dronfield? Are you intolerably lonely? Are you mid-40s, divorced and tired of making crude jokes towards your son’s friends after a few drinks? Are you getting a little bored of cats? Dronfield Dating is for you.

4) FALSE WIDOWS INVADE UNSTONE

You may have read reports, currently circling, of False Widow spiders eating legs of unemployed-looking people you don’t know in TV Quick. Well, it’s now more likely you’ll hear about reports of False Widow spiders eating legs of unemployed-looking people you might know, at your next coffee morning.

5) DRONFIELD HAS ISSUES: BIG ISSUES

He seems to be there all hours of the day. He just wont go away. He’s becoming a permanent feature of the Dronfield landscape, and try as you might, there is just no escaping him. No, not Dave Berry.

6) ICE CREAM AND OLD PEOPLE – AKA – WHAT DRONFIELD COULD DO WITHOUT

Now I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t admit that I’m partial to the odd Iced Café Americano, or overpriced blueberry muffin, but Dronfield doesn’t need a Starbucks. Even less so the people who believe we are lost and adrift without one, it simply isn’t so. We’ve made it this far without one, why give into the heartless coffee industry now, after we came so far?

7) DRONFIELD: ROADWORKS NOT ROADWORKING

Since being voted runner up to Weston-Super-Mare in Fifth Gear television program’s 1997, ‘The Best UK Towns to Drive Through’ poll, Dronfield’s reputation as a vehicle driver’s paradise is rapidly declining. Any road user who has traveled through Dronfield during the last few weeks will be more than familiar with the yellow signs informing of diversions and road closures. The signs are appearing almost daily in every corner of the town.

8) GRAND THEFT AUTO DRONFIELD

The best thing about GTA – apart from shooting innocent bystanders in the head with a sniper – is the map. Unfortunately, learning a new map takes time and obviously makes it more difficult when you’re trying to lose the fuzz. In Dronfield that wouldn’t be a problem, you would be thinking, “I can lose them down Mill Lane, I need to get to Dronny Bottom quick”.

9) MEET THE NEIGHBOURS: THE 5 RESIDENTS OF DRONFIELD

Whether you’re a proud, lifelong resident of Britain’s ‘Happiest Historic Market Town 2013′ (source not verified) or simply a newcomer to this exciting land, you are most likely aware that Dronfield is not a particularly diverse place.

10) DRIVE LIKE A DRONFIELD GIRL

Drive like a Dronfield Girl are a new insurance company with one sole purpose, to get you ladies, yes you ladies, the best possible price for insurance. Like all sexist insurance companies they know women are better behind the wheel. Your Yaris/Micra/Ka is in safe hands.

 

Thanks to everyone who has contributed and everyone who has bothered to keep reading for so long.

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